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February 2002
Marketing and Advertising: Shotgun Shell Holiday Lights and Apple Pie
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Last November, as my "Sportsmen and Sportswomen for Mark Warner" series was coming to a close, I said that I would be holding a drawing of participants in the series to determine who would receive one set of shotgunlites for use in the upcoming holiday season. Unfortunately, time passed and the drawing was never held.

More recently, I offered individuals making endorsements for the Democratic nomination for the Charlottesville City Council a chance for a free lunch and a piece of apple pie at The Nook.

Well, the drawings have finally been held. The lucky winner of the shotgunlites is Karen Lilleleht.

Susan Payne

The lucky winner of the free lunch and apple pie is Susan Payne.

The process by which winners were determined is explained below by my on-site computer consultant Hoy Loper.

Here's a statement on the authenticity of our drawing technique, from a recording we took of our top specialist on the subject, Picasso.

[This text was automatically generated by "Fishy."]

"To ensure a completely random and fair drawing, we used the latest in quantum technology. By drawing on the heart of randomness in the universe, our computer was able to yield a random number of unlimited significant digits.

We created n such numbers, and paired them with a "rank ID" list ascending from 1 to n, representing the order of various people's mention on the Widening Gyre. We then proceeded to rank the random numbers using a magical acubus, created by Godel himself when he was 14.The "Rank ID" associated with the highest number won.

Of course, nothing is ever certain. -- it's always possible that the underlying substrate of the universe will suprise us yet again and reveal a deterministic existence.

Nonetheless, as long as Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle holds, our Randomness is ensured. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, its about as certain as that uncertainty principle that we didn't actually use quantum computers.

Waith. Hold on, I'm still talking. Give me that microphone back. Yacht! I hoot you awl!"

Hoy Loper (electronic mail, February 25, 2002)

Delegate Rob Bell also made an endorsement for the Charlottesville City Council, but his entry was submitted too late to qualify.

Comments? Questions? Write me at george@loper.org.