George:

I had not intended to write about courtesy titles because I didn't want to place too much importance on the issue. I really liked Paul Gaston's remarks. However, each time I read one of your responses I do seem to be reflecting on my own experience with this issue.

I, like Charlie Gleason, grew up in Virginia and was taught that I should not say Mr., Mrs. Miss, Sir, or Ma'am to African-Americans. I was not to refer to them as ladies or gentlemen either. African-Americans were women and men, not ladies and gentlemen. This is the reason that I never insisted that my now-thirty-year-old daughter use these "courtesy" titles.

It is possible to use sir and ma'am in a sarcastic voice, which does not denote respect. I distinctly remember one of my siblings being punished by my mother for "sassing," because of her tone of voice when she said "Yes, Ma'am."

In our parenting, Forrest and I tried to model respect and courtesy for ALL people, regardless of age or color.

Joyce Kerns (electronic mail, March 21, 2000).